2002 / BFFL.. my angel.. my big sis
feeling / God loves you!
 

Toshona

*2002*

Oh wow. Things have been real hard for you lately. Yet somehow you have remained strong. You keep on pressing on. I don't know how you do but you somehow mangage to. All I know how to do is just pray for you and try to be there as much as possible. But unfortunately I have caused you some pain too. And I am going to tell you the honest truth about it too. When Calvin told me about it I pretended it didn't matter. But after that I finished talking to him I was so heartbroken, hurt, and I even hated you. I wanted to throw away our friendship. I even started to doubt whether your story was true. But I thought about it all and prayed. I realized that Calvin couldn't be telling the truth because I knew the truth. But I still wondered whether or not to confront you about what he told me. I decided that I needed to call you to find out the truth because I was hurting so bad, I just needed to know what really went on. I knew I didn't want to lose you though. And I couldn't eat nor sleep. When I spoke to you I wanted to tell you everything at once but it just didn't work out that way. And when I tried to call you back and you never called me I was worried like crazy. I thought that maybe I had lost you and that made me feel so bad. I realized that you would never do the things Calvin said. When we actually did talk about it all though I was in for more shock. I didn't know you would be so upset about losing me. I honsetly didn't, and I have been baffled ever since. I never knew you cared that much. And when I found out how upset you were that they would do this to me I just couldn't believe it. I didn't know that losing me would hurt you so much.
I want you to know that I am always going to be there for you. God will bring you through this. He has already promised me that, and I think He has told me who will take over when this is all taken care of. I am always praying for you. I love you and nothing will ever stop me from being friends with you. We have been through too much. We are too close for me to just throw it all away. I can't lose you like that. You helped me through suicide and depression, through all my guy issues, through everything I have been through with my parents, through problems with my friends, and now through all that is going on. I can't thank you enough! You seriously are the best friend I have. The first person I have been able to trust, truly trust. I know I can tell you anything and it is safe with you. Even now, I still trust you. (smile) And if you ask any of my friends who my best friend is I bet you anything they would say it is you. You are a great friend and never doubt that. You deserve much more credit than you give yourself. I miss you a lot and I wish things didn't have to be as they are, but I feel that through it our friendship will become stronger rather than more distant. We will have to hang out soon! Love ya sis, and never forget it either!

I had fun helping you "move in". Now I am involved in our youth group all because of you!!! We had fun at the usher's party and although I was reluctant to go I am glad that you convinced me to go. (smile) Then you were there for me when my mom was flipping out on that Sunday. Thanks so much for that. After the service you told me that you would be there for me and I could call you if I needed to and that it would be ok. I was feeling awful but you put a smile on my face. Knowing that you were there for me and that you cared really helped. I'm so glad that I know that I can come to you. I don't know what I have done to deserve this! To deserve your friendship and trust. I don't understand it. I know that I don't really even do much compared to all that you do for me. I feel as if I am not worthy of your friendship and love. But I am so glad that you see something in me and that you care.
I don't deserve all that you do for me nor do I deserve you as my friend. You are too good to me. God truly has blessed me by giving me you as my friend. I never really knew how much of a blessing you would be to me in the beginning but now I've only been beginning to see! I'm so glad that we are still friends cuz I don't know what things would be like without you. We just keep getting closer and closer as time passes. There is never a day that goes by that I'm not grateful for you. You always make me feel so special, yet I don't always seem to treat you the same. I always end up making you feel guilty or something and I'm sorry! You always try so hard for me, to always be there for me and to come through for me. Well, you should stop trying so hard because being my friend is all I need you to be! You don't have to prove anything to me. I love you the way you are and nothing you do will ever change that. You are special to me and you will always have a place in my heart. I think that you are great just the way you are! You are always there when I really need you to be. I just feel so bad knowing that you try so hard and yet you feel like you are failing me. But you're not! You are awesome and you have never really failed me! You are being just what I need you to be! My friend! I have no clue what I would do or where I would be without you! You are the greatest friend I could have and everyday I thank God for you more then once! You have helped me to become the person I am and helped me to change for the better. You helped bring me back to what I should be when I am lost. You show me what to do and where to turn. I know God uses you so much in helping me and many others. So special, talented, and unique. Dag! I just feel so blessed and honored to even know you nevermind calling you friend. Thank you so much for all that you do I don't think I could ever have a better friend than you!

Read this
And this too

*2001*

Camp is where it all started... remember when we pulled everything off the bed and then locked you out?? And then there was the infamous frog!! (haha) That was kinda funny. There was Sister Jeananne.. remember her?? And how she wouldn't let you guys do something to liven up morning worship? That was crazy!!! Then there was "Packing to the peak" and "I like myself and I'm worth a lot, don't say I'm not cuz you can't see inside of me. Only Jesus can!" (haha) Those were the days! And then that whole climbing out the window episode?!? But you and Nikki were cool about it and I'm so glad that you guys stood up for me. You made camp so much fun and you respected me. It made me feel like I belonged w/ everyone else (even though I didn't) I guess that is what stuck w/ me after that and got me started in writing you because no one really ever respected me before.
Writing to you was cool. I had fun doing that, although it got aggravating when I didn't always get a letter back. But man when I did it made my day, and even when you talked to me in church too because you never really did that either!! It seemed like you had changed. So at church you were different but then in your letters you were the same person that I remembered from camp. But I got to know you better and I looked up to you as a mentor and a big sister and friend. I even came over a couple of times, which was tons of fun. Then we started emailing and our friendship just kept getting stronger.
But I think that one weekend made a difference in our relationship. You opened up, you confided in me. I was shocked but it was then that I realized that we really were sisters/friends. We had fun that weekend. We chilled w/ your sister and then we talked some more! But I think the two parts I remember most is when you were talking about how things weren't going too well and how it seemed like everyone expected you to be perfect. I understood and I was like "wow she feels just like I do".
But then you switched jobs and things changed somehow. We still hung out and stuff and had fun but somehow it was different. You're my Sunday School teacher, which is cool and stuff but it makes things even more different somehow. Things always seem to be different. Maybe I just imagine them, but the one thing I have trouble doing is telling you what is bugging me. I try to, really! I try to be real w/ you but it never comes out right. I never seem to say what I really mean. It is just extremely hard sometimes. Maybe it's the age difference. I don't think I can ever fully comprehend the word busy as it means to you, even though I try so hard to understand. I know you try to always be there and all, but I guess that is just one concept that I can't understand fully and completely. (sighs)

But you're still my big sister and one of my best friends! You've been there for me when I really needed you and you have helped me through so much. I don't know what I would have done w/o you sometimes. God brought this about and I'm so glad He did! You give great advice and you're ready to listen and help out. Some people just don't understand how we are friends (e.i. my mom!) or they don't understand why I care or why I bother. But I know why! They don't know you that well if they question it. Even though you're extremely busy, you still try so hard to make time. I know that words can't say what you mean and all that you have done for me. I guess I just have to hope that deep down you know. I love you, friends for life and all eternity.. (Isn't is great that we get to be friends in Heaven too. Man friends for eternity! Wow! That is a long time!)

Girl, you never cease to amaze me! I never realized how much you cared! Well now my eyes are being opened. Dag! I don't know why I never really saw before. I guess I was trying to protect myself from being hurt. But while protecting myself I guess in some ways I was hurting both me and you. Well now I've decided to stop trying to do that. Things are much different now than they used to be. We are closer so I guess I need to start acting like it! And I can never really be mad at you. You really try hard and I know that you never really mean to ever hurt me.

When everything else seems dark and gone all I gotta do is look at my best friend and presto! The sun is shining and everything is ok. With just a smile, with just one word, with just a look, a little thing from a friend was all it took.

I don't know what to say to you! We have been through so much and we have become so close. I don't think I've ever had a friend like you. Never have you brought me down, you always encourage me. I love ya and nothing will ever make me love you less! I'm so glad that God brought you into my life and now I have the best friend/sister around!

Becky

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